まだ見えないまだ知らない道がそこにあるなら

as the possibility of leaving draws nearer and nearer, i guess i've become more and more realistic bt the venture.  i noe i'm a planner, i dun really like surprises, tho i can take them pretty well in stride, i think, if they do come.  but my mind is so imaginative, so good at the whimsical and fanciful, tat it takes me down all sorts of beaten tracks, and so i keep seeing shadows on the walls.  sometimes when u expect too much, then nothing is unexpected.  yet, i should still try, to expected the unexpected, i think, otherwise, i might jus remain - expected!  LOLZ!

and there i go, off the beaten track again :p

i worry bt finances, security, a roof over my head, career options - i can never be somebody who says, 'i dunno if i'm going to be alive tml, so why worry?'  i can never be a person who thinks tat this day might be my last, and so i always look forward, and think bt all the things i will do.  i enjoy the moment, true, but once it's past, i'm always thinking of the next one.  maybe sometimes this holds me back instead, cuz i already see the ending, be it true or not.

i remember feeling conflicted bt $$ a couple years back, with me earning pathetically little compared to others, and then last year, i suddenly felt better, cuz it seemed i was becoming better off.  so i guess i came to accept it, and it made me feel better.  this is much the same, i reckon, tat i won't be earning as much as ppl in other industries.  but heck, it's something i'll probably eventually accept, cuz i like my job.  ppl keep telling me i seem to have fun, and we seem to enjoy our work.  and tat is very impt too, i guess.  it would prob keep me working for a long time, not cuz i have to, but cuz i WANT to.  at the end of the day, i reckon i won't starve.  things will work out, 船到桥头 and all tat.

さあ、未来は果てないかなあ。。。　だから、なんでも夢も叶えますね！